There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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