Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
