That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
