Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
