i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
