I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
