your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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