Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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