I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
