Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
