Pregnant stripper...not hot.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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