Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
