Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
