oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
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I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
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Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize