so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
