office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
