So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
