Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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