Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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