This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
