when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
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