the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
