awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
