I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
