I hate all girls vehemently.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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