I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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