And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
