So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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