I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
