Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize