I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
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I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize