I just cut my nipple shaving
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
