He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
