I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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