Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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