Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
