Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
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You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
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His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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