I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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