Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
