so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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