I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
