Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We're too hungover to prance.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
