i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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