somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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