any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
