Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
