I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.