Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...