if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
