I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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