I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
