My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
