I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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