You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
