my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
