Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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