I can tuck mytits in my pants
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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