just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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