I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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