I hate your face
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
