the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
