Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
