I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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