It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
