i think my mom watched the whole time
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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