She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Pooping to opera.
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