i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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